Need You Now
by early-recoil
Summary: Two years after Blood Promise. On the 2'd Anniversary after Dimitri's death by Rose's hand, her ghosts find a way to make themselves known.


_**Need You Now**_

*** I do not own anyone of these characters. All rights reserved to Rachel Mead.**

***Lyrics are from Lady Antebellum's 'Need You Now'. **

****This takes place as if when Rose staked Dimitri in Siberia, it had been successful.****

As the sun sank below the horizon, I felt the familiar chill creep into my clothes. I shivered and tried to walk faster, knowing I was bound to get some odd looks. The Royal court of our beloved Queen Tatiana was snob central. Everyone hated the Hathaway women, especially the recently conformed rogue daughter of Janine Hathaway.

I was now twenty and I was guarding my life long best friend Lissa. She's attending some fancy dinner with royals from all over. It didn't take a bond between us for her to guess today was not a good day for me. She's the only person who can read my face the way she does. At one point there had been two people, but now there is just one. With this thought my chest tightened and I was almost running to the apartment Lissa and I both shared.

Once we arrived, I punched in the 10 number digit code and walked in. I was in official Guardian attire for Court. Black slacks, white blouse and matching black over coat. Today I didn't want anything to do with the light, I kept the darkness. I belonged in the darkness. I'd spent the past year vowing to not let my emotions get the best of me anymore. Nothing good ever came from it. I had practically built a emotional fortress around myself. (Much to Lissa's dismay.)

I casually took off my jacket and hung it beside the door. It still smelt like roses in here. Adrian was the only one ballsy enough to acknowledge what today was, let alone send me flowers. I sighed and found our liquor stash. Despite my recent good behavior, we were always prepared for something that might involve the consumption of alcohol.

_**Its a quarter after one**_

_**I'm all alone and I need you now.**_

I knew by memory where our couch was and collapsed onto it. I twisted the lid off the small brown bottle and tipped it up. The burning sent a shiver through me. When I rested it on my lap, I stared into to blackness before me. It was comforting. I closed my eyes and thought about him. My old mentor and guide. I give all credit to him for what I am today. Dimitri Belikov. He was also the man I loved. A few swigs later and I was strong enough to remember us.

_**I said I wouldn't come**_

_**But I lost all control and I need you now**_

He'd trained me harder than what I'd ever expected. Dimitri taught me how to be alert, how to see what was really surrounding me. He taught me how to see him. Back at the Academy, he was perceived as a god amongst Guardians. Though he was only 24 and young in his career, he'd seen plenty of battle. But not only did I see him, he'd been the only one to see me. God I love Lissa, but we have a psychic bond that connects us. Dimitri and I didn't. We just gravitated towards one another.

_**And I don't know how I can do without**_

_**I just need you now**_

Like I knew about the treason against myself before it happened, I felt my eyes burn with tears I'd held in all year long. My heart felt like it was bruised beyond healing. Like a stake had been put right through it. A sob erupted from my mouth and I bent over myself looking for warmth. Liquor now long forgotten, I let it hit the floor and I cried. Flashes of distant memories attacking me, like I deserved. Moments of us sparring, talking or at the cabin...

I felt myself shaking and I know its warm in here, but I just feel so cold. Tears wouldn't stop pouring as I numbly searched for the bottle of courage. When I found it, I gulped a few more seconds and tried to steel myself against this onslaught. I knew I was now pretty buzzed, and here soon I would be fully drunk. My eyelids closed and like an old movie reel, I saw Dimitri again. He was in the snow. His stark black hair pulled back and tied, only a few strands loose. His black cowboy style duster laid out around him. The puffs of warm air escaping his mouth. This was before we'd ever gotten romantic...but I'd known early on in those moments was where I was most alive.

_**Its a quarter after one**_

_**I'm a little drunk and I need you now**_

Now he was dead. Lost in battle and his light to the world had went out. He'd been turned into what we'd been trained from birth to kill. The undead, the Strigoi. My sobs continued moving through me in sporadic rhythms. Once I'd catch my breath his eyes, his voice would take it away. He never deserved that kind of ending. He deserved to die a hero, not as a demon. And I'd been the one to deliver this. I drained the rest of the bottle and threw it hard. It shattered and the sound sang familiar to my heart. I curled up into myself and wanted nothing more than to forget. Forget his smell, those deep dark Russian eyes. Forget....._Roza_..

His voice rang clear as day in my ears. It sent shivers through me. He always called me Roza in tender or proud moments. It'd been a mantra during the first and only time we'd made love. My mood always hung on way he whispered it like a secret prayer. I stared out into the darkness and despite myself, let the ghosts in. They slowly appeared, one by one. Some I recognized, others I didn't. I let my gaze blur as I didn't want to see the one who I knew would stand out the most. But it was too late, my eyes could spot that figure out of millions.

_**Said I wouldn't call**_

_**But I'm all alone and I need you now**_

He was in tones of grays, but he was still handsome. His long hair hung freely around his shoulders and his height was ever present. I felt my chest caving in as he slowly made his way to the front of the group, then they all started slipping away. It was only his ghost and me. I felt myself shaking with sorrow. I wanted so bad to reach out and touch his skin. Kiss those lips I could only dream about now. His face was like the others of the dead, sad and stoic. Its been two years sense he died, and he still hasn't moved on. Guilt pounded me fierce.

"I...miss..you." I managed to choke out knowing he would understand my words. His face etched deeper into sadness and he looked down at me. "Always love you." I finished the memory in my head aloud. My voice was rough and my throat was hurting. "We should both have jobs here...you should be here..." I was ranting now, in anger suddenly. "Its my fault Dimitri! I should have went back to you at the cave.." Then I saw his form shimmer brightly and he looked angry, shaking his head and crouching to be eye level with me. We'd never needed words to understand one another. Our questions and answers have always been in our eyes.

_**I need you now**_

I watched as he touched his chest above his heart. His brows rose and he got the expression I'd seen so many times in my dreams. The one when he'd say he loved me. I slid off the couch and onto my knees, closer to his figure. "I'm so, so sorry." I'd been saying this to myself for the past two years. "I'm so weak without you here. Every breath feels wasted when I know your not here breathing it with me." I broke off and just stared at his face, now forgiving and sad. His nearly black eyes blinked and he too had lots to say, but was unable to.

He didn't need to say anything. I don't know how long I sat there in the darkness and just stared at him. Only thing I knew was I needed to heal. But its always easier said than done, especially if your Rose Hathaway. I sniffled and felt the tears dry up on my cheeks. Darkness started seeping into my eyes and I wanted to fight it back, keep him with me longer but I knew I wasn't strong enough. I whimpered his name, feeling my eyelids become heavy. I saw his figure glisten and he stood. Looking at me as if I was the only thing in this world. I felt my heart swell, but he gave me one final look and slowly I began to black out.

Next morning I found myself on the couch with Lissa and Adrian whispering something. My head was pounding and I heard them go silent. "Lissa?" I asked weakly as I felt her come near me. When I opened my eyes I saw her large jade eyes filled with concern. "Rose, hey you. How do you feel?" I blinked a few times and tried to sit up. Adrian handed me a hot cup of coffee and he remained silent. Very out of character for him. His messy bronze hair was casual as always, he looked normal except the expression on his face. It matched Lissa's.

"I guess so, yeah. Whats wrong?" I felt my guardian side kick in and I looked over her for any signs of bruising or injury. "I'm fine Rose, but your not. Adrian brought me back last night. We found you passed out..." The recent nights events hit me full fledge and I immediately locked up. Dimitri. I couldn't decide if it had been a dream or had actually happened. I felt my nose sting with the oncoming tears. Adrian quickly sat to my other side and wrapped his arm around me. "Little Damphir..." I shuddered.

"Its not easy you guys. I miss him so much sometimes." My eyes found the dust pan sitting on the coffee table with the broken pieces of glass in it. "Sorry for worrying you guys, I just slipped up." I'd been staring into the black coffee and realized Lissa was crying now. "Your never alone. You'll always have me. Always." I listened to her words. I'd heard always before, and the word frightened me. Always was never promised...but I do believe always extends even into death. My eyes blinked and I let them cuddle me. But in my heart, it was always Dimitri. I would always need him.

* * *

Thanks for reading. I know, this is manically depressive but after finishing Blood Promise today, I felt frustrated and totally devastated but hopeful. Hope you find this as interesting as I did. Please R&R. Love, peace and happy reading.

~E.R.


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